Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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