I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
