you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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