Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
