you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
