So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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