You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The uberlube is also flammable
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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