its not stalking. its research.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
