You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
