We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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