Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
