I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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