I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
