went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
