She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
