this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
