my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
