Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
