First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
