Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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