So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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