Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
