I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
