dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
