Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
