She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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