I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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