I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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