You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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