I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
