We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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