i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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