Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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