mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
