Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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