I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
