Kiss
Puke
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
