I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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