i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
