Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
