i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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