he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
