I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
