dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
