Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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