C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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