theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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