chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
