I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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