It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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