it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
