we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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