I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
