ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
