I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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