More tranny stories later!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
