Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
