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• (714): View more from California

  found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that actually explains a lot

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic

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• (972): View more from Texas

  also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse

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• (940): View more from Texas

  They have beer where we have blood.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.

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