I faked an abortion last night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
