Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
