well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
