Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
