my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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