Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
