Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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