Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
