I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
