turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize