i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
