So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
