I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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