DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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