I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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