life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
