Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
