He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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