I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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