We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
